When is tired, too tired?

I am tired. So tired, my body hurts. Mentally, emotionally tired. The kind of tired that comes with fighting a battle you know you can't win.

Today, was not a good day. Homeschooling is going reasonably well, but not this week. My daughter is argumentative, difficult and bossy. I have said many times before that I love her more than life itself. However, homeschooling this particular brand of child can suck the life right out of you. It is just her and I. No other children to buffer or distract, either me or her. At times, like today, my heart hurts because I wish that we had more children. I would like to think I have mostly moved on but there are days, just like today, that I haven't. I don't have the patience or desire to go on like this. The thought of putting her in public school makes me want to throw up. I think it would be a disaster and my husband and I are strongly committed to a Catholic education. This is the right decision but am I the right person? So we are at a roadblock that seems to point only to me. I need to change something, something about me, so I can cope with this without losing my mind.

Homechooling only one child can be extremely isolating. And when one has a challenging child, it seems even more so. There is an awesome homeschool group at church but we joined too late for most of the activities. Most of the families have many children so they are not so desperate for company for their children. I am fearful of revealing too much about my daughter. That they will see my constant struggle and weaknes. My fear is that I just cannot spend this much time with my child. I want to. I want to enjoy homeschooling her. I want to enjoy being with her, seeing her learn, but the constant struggle for control in our relationship is simply exhausting.

But what to change? And how? Those seem to be the daunting questions at the moment.