Great Book Recommendation!

I have been reading The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.  It basically breaks down how your child perceives that they are loved.  Through Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts or Works of Service.  Grace is definitely Words of Affirmation.

I highly recommend it!  A great insight into how our unconditional love for them is communicated.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resources/books/the-five-love-languages-of-children/

Wiring...

Thanks to everyone who is so supportive of our efforts.  We have a long way to go before the dossier is translated and sent to Ukraine.  Killing LOTS of trees in the process.  :-)

I found today that I am not wired for technology.  A dear friend helped me get started on Facebook with a page about my blog and the adoption.  (You can visit my marvelous Madge at http://www.2preppygirls.blogspot.com/).  I will have a fabulous raffle coming up next week so stay tuned to the blog for more details.

So, my lack of of technie-ness got me thinking about wiring.  Gene and I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about how Grace is wired.  The FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) changed the way the brain is wired.  We are fortunate that she is considered "mild to moderate".  She processes information differently and at times with difficulty.  Not so much on an academic level (which amazes me) but on an executive functioning level, decision making, behavior, social skills.  Her conclusions are rarely the same as ours, and her ways of getting there sure are too!  But, they are no less valid for her. 

For example, Grace has anxiety.  I am a bit of a worrier myself, but her level of anxiety is difficult for even me, her mother, to understand.  She has normal childhood fears but some fears no manner of talking, cuddling or explaining will change.  She is horribly afraid of tornadoes, stink bugs, lightning, someone taking her away or hurting me.  All these are normal (to some degree) fears in children.  Grace, ever the overachiever, throws in an obsessive component that doesn't allow her to let go of anything.  So, we answer the same questions over and over desperately trying NOT to increase our level of annoyance after answering the same question for the 18th time.  (No, I am not exaggerating.)

In making the decision to adopt again, we talked endlessly about the affect on Grace.  The conclusion was that it is the absolute best thing for her.  She needs somewhere to channel her energy and her love.  We move in a world full of big families.  Most of her friends have lots of siblings.  She needs somewhere else to focus other than her own fears and be able to see herself in another role.  We are hoping it will improve her self-esteem and improve the overall family dynamic.

So, onward I go, finishing paperwork, tracking down documents etc, etc.  Adoption isn't for the faint of heart!  (Well, at least the paperwork isn't!!!)

The beautiful faces...

The beautiful faces of Ukrainian children.  The orphanage we adopted Grace from was very large, the largest in the region.  It was very clean but in a run down kind of way.  There was an old, rusty playground and it was behind huge iron gates.  But within the joy of meeting our baby girl, there were the faces of the other children.  As we would walk and play with Grace, the older children, maybe 3 or 4 years old would stand at the edge of the play area and watch us.  They seemed transfixed by us.  Did they know or even understand that one of their own was getting a family?  It made me so sad.  I wanted to take them all.  They were the most beautiful children.  Many will spend their lives in an institution because their parents can't care for them due to prison, drugs, alcohol, poverty and some, like Grace, were just abandoned.  And at age 18, they are simply let out into the street.  Many turn to drugs and/or prostitution.  The suicide rate among these young adults is alarmingly high.  They never had the opportunity to know real love and so have never developed the ability to love.  Yes, they are cared for in the strictest sense of the word, but no more than that.  This is just one of the many, many reasons we want to go back.  We loved our experience in Ukraine.  The people were wonderful.  These children deserve a chance to know real love and to thrive.

These children are Ukrainian, aren't they gorgeous?

And the Race Begins!

We are finally on our way!  We are halfway done with our homestudy and are underway with the very labor intensive dossier paperwork.  International adoption is very expensive, as most of you know. This is why I have changed my blog to reflect this journey and also to ask for help. You will see some changes to the blog in coming weeks.  I will be sharing our journey through the blog.  (I hope it isn't too boring!)  The biggest change is that we have added a "SUPPORT" button.  Gene and I are not rich, by any means, but that doesn't take away from our desire for a child.  There are SO many children in Ukraine, as well as all over the world, who need families.  We had a wonderful experience adopting Grace, we are dying to do it again.  After many years of infertility, miscarriages, and failed adoptions, we feel that God was preparing us for this journey.  Good things come to those who wait, right?

If you are interested, you may donate online securely, through Google Checkout. 100% of ALL the money donated will be used for adoption expenses. The money goes directly into our Adoption Savings Account.  The total cost including the homestudy will be over $25,000.  We are planning other ways to raise money as well, but as far as I know Ebay will not take my kidney!  :-)  You can think of it as a small contribution to making a home for a child who has never had a family, regular nutritious meals, a kiss or a cuddle, a big sister or someone who will always love them unconditionally.

We gratefully appreciate ANY financial assistance you are able to provide!  Thank you and stay tuned!

Flaws

Who among us wants to admit to our flaws?  I, for one, am absolutely flawless.  I always return calls on time, I discipline my child effectively, I am constantly patient, kind, and demure.  I never yell or get annoyed at thoughtless, stupid people.  (Those of you drinking a hot beverage or alcohol may want to put it down.  I understand it burns when snorted out of one's nose).

I am one of the most FLAWED people I know!  Okay, that said, do I want to admit it?  Of course not.  But once you have children, you can so clearly see your own flaws.  Every day I do something wrong as a parent or worse, see my flaws reflected in Grace.  Anyone who knows me (or read my blog) knows that I am a wee bit sarcastic.  A sarcastic 8 year old is just plain annoying.  As my grandmother used to say "She doesn't get that from the stones."  Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

My issue is with those who can see neither theirs or their children's.  What is that Bible verse?  Something about taking the log out of your own eye so you can help with the spec in your neighbor's?  I clearly have logs in my eye, we all do.  But how do you handle those who don't think they do?  Recently, Grace was bullied by some neighborhood boys, one spit on her.  I know that Grace has the capacity to provoke, part of that is her extreme insecurity and fear of being disliked, the other part is "seems like a good idea at the time."  The Mama Bear in me wanted to rip those kids limb from limb.  But I have traveled that path before, it has not worked.  Neither has calmly trying to talk to the parent.  Their parents, you see, have no logs.  They, and consequently, their children are perfection itself.  Frankly, I am the first person to think, "Geez, now what has Grace done?"  I know what she is capable of but it is my responsibility to make sure she understands her flaws and owns up to her mistakes.  Some days I want to scream "DOES NO ONE ELSE FEEL THAT RESPONSIBILITY?"

I know what you're thinking, I should face the problem and confront the parents.  This isn't the first time she has been picked on in the 'hood, and it won't be the last.  Perhaps one of my flaws is the unwillingness to take on a losing battle.  But I want to show her that the only person she can control is herself.  If she makes the right decisions, those stupid boys don't matter. Those boys, thankfully, are not my responsibility.  My girl can succeed in spite of her neurological issues, insecurities and impulsiveness.  Perhaps flaws are what makes us who we are instead of the perfections.

And so it begins...

The paperchase.  We have decided to adopt again!  After having Grace evaluated by a renown neuropsychologist, resulting in a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, we have decided to do it again.  Crazy, you say?  Absolutely.  We have always wanted siblings for Grace.  And for whatever reason, in His providence, God has led us down this path.  Grace needs siblings.  We want a bigger family.  And this great organization can help us go back to our beloved Ukraine.

So many awesome kids without hope of love and a family to care for them forever.  The biological train may have left the station long ago, but adoption is so, so special.  I remember so well the little faces watching us as we played with Grace on the little makeshift playground.  Big round eyes taking in our every move.  I can still see them all.  I wonder what happened to them.  Now we have the chance to do it again!  I'm so excited!

The paperwork is massive and draining.  The savings account is not as large as it needs to be.  We are looking for ways to raise money.  Our friends have been incredibly supportive.  That's good because we will be calling in the troops for help.  If we can get our act together, we can travel before the end of the year!  Yikes!

Stay tuned for more info...especially on fundraising!