A new purpose?

A friend told me yesterday of a woman she knows who desperately wanted to adopted another child after her son. It never happened. This woman, after a time, came to believe that God has a special purpose for only children. What is Grace's purpose? Still to be determined, I guess. Right now she makes us happy and that is enough. Yes, this is a different kind of upbringing than those with siblings, but I hope to God it isn't worse.

I was not an only child. Neither was my husband. I look back on my father's illness and subsequent death and the time a few years ago that my mother was seriously ill and realize what a huge consolation my sister was during those times. My brother , not so much but that is a story for a different blog. :-) As we face my father in law's Alzheimers and his other physical issues, Gene's sister and he are doing their best to support their mother. Again, his brother, not so much. Also, a story for another blog. Siblings can play such an important role in one's life. I always wanted Grace to have a sibling. Someone to be able to reminisce with, to share taking care of old parents with but that is not happening. I hope and pray that she will make other relationships that will fill that void. Knowing Grace, I don't think I am too worried about that.

Okay, that said, how do I change my perspective to make it better/easier for her? She is very strong-willed and while she regrets not having a sibling, she has developed a great imagination and love of pretend that she perhaps would not have. We three have a very tight bond. The downside is having to be playmate and parent, sometimes a difficult position.

I am able now, somewhat, to look ahead and see the monetary advantages to only having one child. And at 45 years old, there are certainly some physical advantages. I want Grace to grow up to be strong and self sufficient, and not the whiny, feeling sorry for yourself person that I have become of late. I don't want to feel this way. Anyone who knows me well can attest that it isn't really they way I am. What kind of example am I showing her? To crumble when you don't get what you want? I want her to be strong, to know she can do anything she sets her mind to. She asked me the other day if she could have the baby in her tummy since I couldn't. Wow. I almost fell over. In her mind, I think, it was a way to solve the problem. What I saw was a little girl trying to ease her mother's pain. Again, wow. For that alone I should shut and be grateful.

Truth be told, I am tired of feeling angry and sad. If this is the life I have, how do I change my goals and perspective to make it better? I can spend the next 20 years being resentful that I didn't get another child or I can appreciate what I have and move on.

Now to figure out how...