If wishes were horses...

beggars would ride. Yes, an old cliche. But oh so true. I can, and have, wished my life away waiting for what I hope is coming.

Here are my wishes in no particular order:

• to be thin, fit and healthy


• to be pain-free and off medication


• to adopt another child


• to be ten years younger - no, 15 years younger


• to be a better parent


• to be more patient


• to be financially secure


• to be a better wife

I'm sure there are thousands of other things I could wish for. But I have wished for and even prayed for some of the things I listed above. Not terribly successfully, I'm afraid. I know I will never be 15 years younger. I know we will not adopt another child. Financially secure? Not likely.

I wish I could stop going around in circles, never accomplishing anything, just feeling frustrated. I think I have never NOT felt like a failure of one kind or another. How to change? How to make it better? I wish I knew.