Is this it?

God has graced me with a beautiful little girl. We chose the name Grace because we felt that it was because of the grace of God that we got her. In this bargain, we also have received a child with anxiety and possibly ADHD. I love her more than anything and would never trade her, but, like any child, she has her challenges.


The wonderful thing about Grace is that she loves fully and completely. She loves everyone the same, no matter what. The homeless man on the street deserves and gets the same amount of attention as our priest or any other friend of the family. She is bright and observant. Not too many things get by her. She is energetic and enthusiastic. This year we tried horseback riding and Irish Dance, both smashing successes. She gives 150% to everything and when it doesn't go exactly the way she wants or expects, watch out. She demands perfection of herself, which, at times, worries me. She is loud, demanding and difficult. But also funny, loving and smart.


We butt heads often. As she is an only child, she has elevated herself to the level of an adult and thereby thinks that all things concern her. It is not possible to have a conversation that does not include her. The real down side to that is that she pays attention to everything and processes it through the mind of a 6 year old with anxiety. She obssesses over many little things, worries alot and can't let things go. It is sad to watch this little person go to pieces over something that she can neither control nor should even be in the realm of her concern.


Parenting a child with anxiety comes with a whole new set of issues. Picking and choosing when (or if) you tell her something, having to monitor exposure to certain people, shows, movies etc. Which as a parent is our responsibility anyway but anxiety puts a different complexion on it. The meltdowns are epic. I call it going over the "cliff". If you can prevent her getting to that point then you are home free, if she goes, then it will be a good 45 mins to an hour before she can even hear you. At that point, she needs you to hold her tight and let her cry. It can be heart-wrenching. You want to make it all go away but sadly, do not have the power to do that.

It can be utterly exhausting, answering the same question, over and over, addressing the same worries every day, endlessly reassuring her. As annoying as it can be, it helps to try to see things from her perspective. It must be terrible to worry so much, to be unsure. The interesting thing is that most people would be astounded to know she has anxiety. She is very upfront and outgoing. Not what most people would consider to be "anxious".

I wish I was more patient, more understanding. I wish we had another child to "offset" some of her fears, to occupy her and make her feel more like eveyone else. Sometimes I feel like if I have to face this and only this for the rest of my life, I might go mad.

But as I tell Grace, everyday is a new day with no mistakes in it. Tomorrow I will try again.